Today was proof that through God you really can do anything!
I have struggled with anxiety since I was in Junior High. Mostly due to speaking or doing anything in front of a group of people. I’m not meaning just getting tiny butterflies in your stomach. I’m meaning full on panic attack. Body shakes, heart rate increases where you can hear your own heart beat. Every word you have to say comes out at lightning speed at a whisper where you almost always had to relive the awful experience because no one could hear or understand you.
Phone calls are one of my worst triggers for anxiety. I won’t bore you with the specific details of that but just know that phone calls are a real struggle for me. I have learned over the last 4 years how to deal with it better because of all the Doctor phone calls I have to make for Lily. (9 doctors to be exact.) But I can only handle so much at a time. I have to pick and choose when and how much to tackle so I don’t freak myself out.
So needless to say when we were asked to do interviews and be filmed interacting with Lily for a video promoting an all inclusive playground that will soon be built in our home town, my instinct was to panic on the inside. We’ve already been interviewed for a news station and a couple news paper articles about Lily’s canvas finger painting that she makes, all these were a huge stretch for me to do, but Daniel my wonderful husband did all the talking on the news interview so that helped me get through it.
This interview was going to be huge and I knew it from the beginning. Thankfully what gave me a peace from the start was the fact that the Director and his team were like us. K.L. is in a wheelchair and relies on his parents to be his hands. He does amazing at directing them to make his vision a reality. It’s awesome to watch how they work together. They live this crazy wonderful special needs life we live and I knew from the start that he would make this a very beautiful video focusing on the good, how we are a normal family that just does things a little different, this was very important to me. So many times people focus on all the negatives and hardships we have which turns it all into a sob story and we get lots of pity from it. We aren’t afraid to talk about how our lives are different but we love to show how similar our lives really are as well.
Today was the third time we met with K.L. and his parents to get the last part of footage they needed for the video before Lily has surgery next week. Because of our short time window to squeeze it in I only focused on the fact that it would only be footage of Lily and I at a typical playground showing how difficult it can be for us. I was not expecting to have to speak at all since I figured we had already got that part over with. It kind of caught me off guard and typically those anxiety reflexes kick in but today… IT DIDN’T! God totally had my back. This is something I’ve been dealing with for so long and I know I will continue to deal with it. But it feels amazing knowing that I was able to be filmed speaking and not be freaking out on the inside for once in my life. I had 2 camara’s, and 4 people in front of me listening and watching everything and I was OK!
So today, I’m claiming my MIRACLE, that I was able to knock out anxiety today without a second thought.
I WILL continue to win.
NO it may not be every time I’m faced with something that causes me anxiety. It will take time.
But I’m claiming my MIRACLE that one day I will be able to speak sharing our amazing story to a group of people with NO fear of anxiety because I know I’m doing God’s work. And with God….you really can do ANYTHING!